Text: Esther Müller, Head of Administration, Thomaskirche Basel (CH)
This statement can certainly trigger an uneasy feeling in one or the other. A God who sees me also sees everything that I don't really want to reveal. He sees things that I would prefer to keep hidden and that I might even be ashamed of.
To be honest, this image of God, who sees everything I do bad or wrong and punishes me for it, is alien to me.
Being my type, I'm more tempted to think that God cares about more important people than me. I'm just an insignificant woman who remains invisible in the crowd.
As a child I was in the boy scouts for a few years and was given the name "Caillou" (pebble). The meaning of this was that I am a small pebble among many others and do not attract attention. But if I wasn't where I am, something would be missing. That describes this feeling quite well. I don't stand out in the crowd at all; however, there would be a gap if I weren't there.
About 10 years ago I took part in a silent retreat for women, as I have often done. One morning there was not the usual Bible study, but a guided meditation. The leader took us into the Bible passage John 10:1-5 and led us through it in her own words. We should keep our eyes closed and try to imagine this picture.
"Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever does not enter the sheepfold by the door, but gets in elsewhere, is a thief and a robber. But whoever enters through the door is the shepherd of the sheep. The doorkeeper opens for him, and the sheep listen to his voice; he calls the sheep that belong to him by name one by one and leads them out. When he has driven all his sheep out, he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow him; because they know his voice. But they will not follow a stranger, but will flee from him, because they do not know the stranger’s voice.”
I have a thriving imagination and could visualize this scene very vividly. How I stand there as a sheep in the large flock of sheep and see the shepherd coming into the stable. There was that feeling too. I just "disappear" in the crowd and just enjoy seeing Jesus. But that's about it, I didn't expect more. And suddenly Jesus looked straight at me and called my name: “Esthi, come out of the dark, musty stable. Come to the meadow and follow me, I will lead you to a source of fresh water". I will never forget that loving face of Jesus. And it touched me deeply!
Jesus looked straight at me and addressed me... by my name. I was important enough to him and not an insignificant part of a large crowd.
Yes, God is a God who sees me! The others too, but me too.
I would now like to reverse this statement. Am I also a person who sees God? Do I see him in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, despite minor and major worries?
To be honest, God keeps “disappearing” in my everyday life. Of course he always stays with me, but I don't see him very clearly anymore. Worries, challenges, moments of frustration, anger push themselves before this loving face and puff themselves up. And although I know better, I always try to master and resolve such situations myself. Only to realize at some point that it just doesn't work, that I really need God. I have seen so many times how God gives clarity to situations, pours peace into my heart and shows solutions, and yet I always let things come between me and God's loving face.
I would like to learn more and more that I don't allow that, but come to God with everything and in all situations and hold them up to him.
God is a God who sees me - with everything that goes with it. I'm important enough to him that he keeps turning his loving face to me.
And I also don't want to lose sight of him and see him in the ordinary challenges of everyday life!
Comentarios